January 10, 2015; Des Moines, Iowa
Editor's note: We wish this one was purely a satire piece ...
She's never been married, lost custody of two of her six children, regularly sells her food stamps and owes money to everyone in her inner circle. But this time, Angela Jones promises, things are going to be different. In a newly posted, "Go Fund Me" appeal, Miss Jones declares that if she raises the $15,000 that she is requesting from the public, she will turn over a new leaf.
Miss Jones is the mother of six children, five girls and one boy. While the single mom provides vivid detail regarding the dire straights in which she and her children find themselves in her public appeal (here), an anonymous source informed our reporters that the Des Moines resident has left out a few important details.
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"Angela spent every dime of a $70,000 car crash settlement within three weeks, just a few years ago," our source provided. "None of her babies' daddies pay child support, allowing her to get more food stamps, which she turns around and sells to family members at half of the value." she continued. "I won't give her one red nickle because I know she'll squander it on something idiotic rather than bettering her circumstances." the source concluded.
Records indicate that Miss Jones lives in public housing, receives SSI for her ailing child, who has a full time caregiver through Medicaid, and hasn't had a job in over seven years. But she insists that this time, things will be different. "I determined to have as many babies as it took until I got a boy." the Iowa mother told us, "James (not his real name) is my sixth baby and when he was born with Cystic Fibrosis, I knew that God was sending me a signal." she continued through sobs. "I know I've made mistakes in the past but honest to Heaven's this time it's going to be different. People just have to trust me!" Angela concluded with the smile of a used car salesman.
When asked how she felt about the comparisons people have been making between her and the infamous, "Octo-mom", Angela stated simply, "I don't have 8 arms". While we pressed for the specifics regarding her intentions for the $15,000 windfall she is seeking through the increasingly popular crowd-source funding, she merely replied, "To start a new life."
"There are so many examples of people who need help and don't abuse the system," said a friend who is close to the situation. "Angela gives everyone who genuinely needs help a black eye. When I saw that she was asking for money from people on the internet I was disgusted! I hope she gets a visit from CPS after this blatant attempt to defraud the public." she snarled.
As our reporter left the Jones' home, Angela ran out, barefooted, with a web address written on the back of an envelope to ask if we would insert the appeal for funds in our story. We promised we would, so in case you want to donate to Miss Jones' plight, feel free to visit: www.GoFundMe.com/AngelaJones. But don't hold us responsible if everything doesn't go the way she promised.
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