January 5, 2015 - Kokomo, IN
Patty McDaniels, a 26 year old waitress from Kokomo, Indiana announced today that she will no longer accept financial tips from the customers she serves at Shaky's Steaky Burgers. "The owners of this fine establishment believe that my labor is only worth $2.13 an hour and they are much smarter and accomplished than me." Patty stated. "When I lost my job at JP Morgan during the financial melt down, this is the only job I could find. I'm just grateful for the opportunity." She continued. Although Ms. McDaniels double majored at Notre Dame in Accounting and History, she insists that her Summa Cum Laude designation does not entitle her to a better wage. "My customers work hard for their money. If they can order an extra-large Double Peanut Butter Mocha Shake because they don't have to tip me 20% for delivering their food, then I did my job." She said with a glint in her eye. "Cramming an obnoxious amount of money into the CEO's pocket while I live out of my car and eat customer's leftovers from the trash is what I do best." She concluded.
Mark Shermwell, a representative from Shaky's Steaky Burgers said, when we cornered him on the street, "While we don't require our servers to follow Ms. McDaniel's example, our stockholders do appreciate her creative profit enhancement strategy." Mr. Shermwell started. "Her acceptance of our policy to never offer health insurance, time off, vacation pay or even a liveable wage is what we tout as one of our greatest accomplishments. I mean, Hell, we can't pay these slave wages in Mexico, China or India so it's truly refreshing when we can stick it to the American workforce." He concluded with a howl and a kick to our reporter's shin.
"I won't accept monetary tips from patrons," maintained Patty, "but if anyone wants to give me tips on how to latch onto free WiFi so I can access my healthcare provider, WebMD, I will gladly accept!" She winced.
No comments:
Post a Comment