First Baby of 2015 Named Mountain Dew; Scores Endorsement Deal

First Baby of 2015 Named Mountain Dew; Scores Endorsement Deal

January 2, 2015 - Ashland, KY.

Single mother of two, Chastity Manfield, welcomed the newest addition to her growing family at

12:00:07 AM on January 1, 2015 which officially made the bundle of joy the first baby born in the United States in the New Year.  Moments after the doctor informed the proud mother that she delivered a girl, Chastity announced her intention to name the bundle of joy, "Mountain Dew" in an effort to garner national attention and endorsements.

When asked about the unusual decision to name her child after the sugary beverage, Miss Manfield said, "Billy Bob and me was watching my favorite show, 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo' one night when a commercial come on for another program about a lady who shot six babies out of her bajingo at once and got her own reality show.  That's when I realized that I was carrying a gold mine around in my belly."  She went on to explain that the couple began contacting their favorite corporations to pitch the idea of naming their newborn after one of their products, should they be the first to deliver in the New Year.

"We was gonna name a boy, "Jack Daniels"" added new father, Billy Bob Chappel, "But when I saw the baby was missin' a stick shift, I knew that we had ta go with "Mountain Dew"." 

Sources confirmed a contract between Pepsico, Inc. and the doting parents and provided our reporter with a few of the intricate details of the verbose agreement.  The new parents are now contractually bound to legally name their offspring "Mountain Dew(R) Manfield", mix the child's baby formula with their high sugar product (in place of water), and attend NASCAR events with the JR Nation Racing Crew.  While Pepsico representatives declined to comment, Chastity droned on for three hours about how excited she was that she'd have the opportunity to meet NASCAR driver, Dale Earnhart, Jr.

Though our sources were unable to ascertain the monetary value of the 18-year contract, the nursing staff confirmed that a pallet of Mountain Dew was delivered to Labor and Delivery department of King's Daughter Medical Center in Ashland.  Local dentist and pageant enthusiast, Dr. Christina Webb, expressed her concern about the revelation that Mountain Dew products will play an even bigger role in the small town.  "The most purchased item by people who receive SNAP [food stamp] benefits in our area is Mountain Dew." Dr. Webb stated.  "I see the results of these bad shopping decisions every day in my practice.  Glorifying this product by exploiting an innocent child churns my stomach." She concluded.   

When pressed for a response to Dr. Webb's criticism, Miss Manfield stated, "Mountain Dew played an important part in my pregnancy.  Why shouldn't me and Billy Bob bring some of that Dew Dough to the Holler?".  Chastity emphatically denied that the move was an attempt to exploit the newest member of her family and stated simply, "If we're lucky, this could be the first step in gettin' our own reality show, like the Boo Boo's.  That was a storybook ending for them folks.  What's wrong with wantin' the same for my family?"  She concluded, "I chugged a whole bottle of Caster Oil and did jumping jacks all day to make sure Mountain Dew was born First in '15.  She owes me."