Wedding Cakes Poisoned with Ancient Molecules

Wedding Cakes Poisoned with Ancient Molecules

January 16, 2015  - Omaha, NE 

Scientists from the Heartland Understanding Research Tribunal (H.U.R.T) found that a common ingredient used in all wedding cakes made in the United States contain an ancient ingredient linked back to the Garden of Eden.  "We were stunned when we saw the very same compound that was discovered last year in the GoE excavation site was the same as is commonly consumed at weddings." Dr. D. Vorcie of the Tribunal explained.  "What we found intriguing was that we can see the effects of Original Sin so prominently in modern society." She continued.  Dr. Vorcie went on to explain that she was originally skeptical when the Garden of Eden site was discovered last year, but once she found the same molecular structure was present in the "forbidden fruit" as is found in the popular American confection, she is now a true believer that "really bad" things happened there.  "This explains so much." said the professional researcher. "Upon consumption of Wedding Cake, one feels euphoria. Shortly after the digestion though, side effects include bitterness, financial distress and eventually ulcers and homicidal thoughts." she concluded.