Friday, February 3, 2017

*BREAKING NEWS* Malania Trump Bra, Panty & Eyewear at K-Mart

In yet another stunning move by the new Trump administration, First Lady, Malania Trump's spokesperson, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, confirmed rumors that Sears holdings will begin carrying a Malania Trump Bra, Panty and Eyewear product line beginning in Spring 2017.

This announcement comes on the heals of Nordrstrom's announcement that they will no longer carry products bearing the first daughter, Ivanka Trump's, name.  "This is totally just a coincidence," insisted Walkoff., "as we have been positioning to get a clothing line with Sears for a solid nine months." She concluded.

Sears Holdings will begin carrying matching bra and panty sets for sizes Toddler to Women's Size 28in their K-Mart stores nationwide as they release their Spring 2017 collections.  Each collection will be paired with what has been termed "Hot Glasses" eyewear.  This unique product is designed to make "unattractive" mates appear to have the physical attributes of a Chippendale's dancer.

In an abbreviated press conference by Mrs. Trump, she stated, "You put glasses on and you are look at the Tatum Channings".  She continued, "These are proven product. How else you think I conceive baby with Tiny Hands Donnie?"  Mrs. Trump's new line will be called, "When your boobies go low, we make them high" and will be available at K-Mart for $24.99 and up.